December!

I can't believe it's December! :) My first Christmas in Texas and spending time with my Aunt. It's time for shopping! <3

Merry X'mas everyone. :D

A Note..

Just the way you are

I don't want to "miss" a thing....

I miss your smile, I miss your touch; I miss the voice I loved so much. And when Im sleepless in the night, I miss the arms that held me tight. It seems like only yesterday, so quietly you slipped away. You were the rock I leaned upon, Ive had to be strong now you've gone. No tomorrows for us to share, still I sense you everywhere. The love we had, even death cannot sever; deep in my heart it lives forever. Each night I gaze at the starlit sky, reliving the years of you and I.
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At the moment I have little thing to say, but this little means a lot, because everything I feel now means nothing else that I am missing you. I miss you so much that hurts…

I wish I could be with you, to feel your breath close to mine, see the sunshine through your eyes, to feel the heat of your hand in my hand…

I miss your voice…like in my dreams I imagine holding your hands with the intertwined fingers, kissing you passionately..I am longing for your skin and your sweet way of looking at me.

I hope my anguish won’t last too long and we can meet each other…yes, very soon in our world, where just you and I live…

I can’t wait anymore…

I miss you terribly.
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Soul mates

you said it wasn't.

you said we were soul-mates.

All i said was

"We are soul-mates that weren't meant to end up together. If we had started at the very beginning, we might have been together for a lifetime"

you said maybe in our next lifetime.

i told you that in our next lifetime, when you stop the car in the middle of the road, don't give me your card. just say "Will you be mine".

You agreed but said "I'll just say Will you marry me"

We laughed.

Yes. we are soul-mates, we're not together, but we never forgot one another.

What if... (not mine)

I have loved B for the past year. For me, a year is a long time to like somebody – to have your heart balloon every time he texts you, to secretly smile every time he asks a favour, to laugh at all his bad jokes. A year is a long time to love his scruffy beard, to love the way his forehead crinkles when he’s stressed, to love the way his presence makes you feel safe. In my mind I measured B up to other guys, to see if there was someone out there who was better for me. But none of them ever compared to him. He was perfect. And in that entire year I couldn’t find one flaw, no matter how hard I tried.

But then one morning this week, I woke up – and I didn’t love B anymore. (So I guess you can’t really call it love to begin with, can you?) His perfection had suddenly melted away. His steadfast beliefs I had so admired now seemed to be self-conscious, and his confidence seemed somewhat self-absorbed. In that one morning of clarity, I soon became aware of all his flaws. I no longer believe that he is perfect, nor that he is perfect for me.

I still care for him, but I no longer love him. By no means were we superficial - we shared our hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears. So what scares me is that I don’t know how this sudden change of heart happened. Falling out of love shouldn’t be that easy.

What if one day, in the future, I wake up one morning in bed with my future husband, only to find that I do not love him anymore?

Cautious

It’s been over a year since we broke up. But I can’t stop thinking about him. Everyone around me have stopped asking about him, and no one ever talks about him anymore.

So I’m basically doing everything to make some one mention him so I can talk about him. Today I’ve realized that I’m forgetting.

Forgetting him, I’m forgetting the feeling when he talks to me, and texts me. I have started to forget about us.

That’s why I try to think about him before I fall asleep, so I can dream about him, because that makes him closer. It’s patethic, He’s over me, and I’m not even 18 yet, my life haven’t started.

But it feels like it’s over without him

Human Condition

I suspect the pain of being alone is a universal human experience. And I suspect most people seek out relationships to avoid or soothe this pain. Most people will stay in a relationship that is not working as a way to avoid this pain.

Unfortunately, no relationship can relieve the pain of being permanently alone. Even in the best of relationships, there always comes a time when our friends, family, and partners are not available and we are alone.

When you feel alone, what do you do?

If you seek out relationships or stay in relationships because you can't deal with being alone, the time you are in fact alone can be unbearably painful. And the time you are with someone will be bittersweet because you will know on some level that you will be alone again soon.

One of the marks of maturing emotionally is learning to bear with and even thrive when alone. And your successful ability to be alone is what allows you to have the best relationships of your life.

The successful ability to be alone can mean the ability to feel alone and lonely without the need to seek someone out to fill the void. It can also mean being alone but not being lonely, with the void filled with creativity or self-expression, or
passion for pursuit of something that matters to you.

Successfully being alone specifically means being alone without filling the void with negative things, or behaviors or numbing out.

How can your ability to be alone allow you to have amazing relationships? Here is how:

* You do not end up in a relationship simply so that you are not alone -- you actually choose who you are in a relationship with.
* In times of trouble, you let your partner go and work out whatever he or she needs to work out, without the fear of being alone -- you have already faced that fear.
* If the relationship is not meeting your needs or is hurting you and your partner refuses to alter behavior that will make a difference, you can walk away because you have already faced being alone.
* You have leverage with your partner -- often, your partner will change his or her behavior rather than risk losing you.

Don't let go..

Angela..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY8-8KtxfkI

IF ONLY...

The Proclaimation

It's hard to fabricate lies when you don't want to make someone sad. When you really really like them...but not in that way. You can't just blatantly lie to them and pretend you love them...they're too beautiful for that. The thing is, they're also too beautiful to lie to. Too beautiful for you to hurt because you don't want to hurt them.You don't want to make them cry, to ruin their beauty by making them feel pain. The problem is...you can't not. You have to do one or the other......the pain...or the lies? Which is the best for them? Break their heart now.....or later. Later when they find out you never liked them like that. That when you kissed them you had to try you're hardest not to be disgusted because, yes they were beautiful but they weren't who you wanted. They were perfect but they just didn't have that special something. You don't want them to feel like it was their fault. Like they aren't perfect or beautiful. You want them to know that it's you. You're the one with the issue and you wish, wish that you could love them......but you can't. And it's killing you. You don't want it to be like that. You want to love being kissed by them. You want to lust after them. To give them your heart and soul.....but you simply just can't. You're incapable of feeling like that and it sucks. They're incredibly beautiful so beautiful that it hurts. And you can't hold back, you just have to tell them, you can't not. Because you know, you know deep down that this is for the best. That this is what you need to do and you do it. You don't want to and you despise yourself for it.....but you do it. You can't handle the pain that is shown upon this beautiful person so...you leave but just before you go you say those five dreaded words.....it's not you, it's me.

Exaggerating.

I just love you.

Words demand explanation. They require analysis. They are the construction and expression of my thoughts. Of my heart. But they can't describe it. They can't describe any of it. They can't tell you how deep the memories are, or how often I think of them. They can't scream what I really want to say. They are the mask of how I really feel and they try to disguise the pain, but someone will strip it away. And someone will make those words worthless.

So what is a word worth? Nothing. What are three words worth? Nothing. But we say them anyway, because you know. You know, more than anyone what they mean. You know when I say I love you, I really mean that those three words can't describe what it is we have. When I say you're amazing, I know the word is just a cover; a quick way for me to remember all the things that amaze me about you, a mask for the memories we share, a disguised version of our adventures together. And I really believe that you know, when I say I miss you, it's not just that. I miss you every moment, and I miss just what your name means to me. It means an alphabet of sounds and letters and words. But none of them really mean anything, because words are based on trust, they rely on how truly and deeply we feel. Remember, always, that they don't mean anything, they are letters and they are constructions, but we deconstruct them every day and we twist them; we manipulate them so that they say what we want them to. But no word, no shape, no photograph could ever twist so far that it could begin to explain even a little bit of how I feel.