Tell me how you really feel about her, paolo...
"What do you mean, Meghan?"
Don't play dumb with me you crazy asian, you, tell me.
"hahaha..i'm sorry, what do you like me to say..I can't describe Emily in anyway.."
you're crazy. don't ever lie to me, say what you say from your heart.
"from my heart, eh? Emily...."
Go on..i'm impatient..
"Emily, Emily..she's simple. she's like no other girl, though crazy and random that she is she's really just a normal person.."
That's all you could say?
"...she's annoying in a good way, she's always happy and never shows her sadness to other people. she smiles everyday like there's no end. She believes in the things that I sometimes doubt, and worry when something isn't right...she's stubborn with everything. she's too hyporcritical about her sayings, yet she's right...."
why are you making her sound like she's a bad person??!
"BUT..But, my god meghan, I could never get enough of her. She's the life of the party, she's always the smile on my face, she brings me joy everyday, the sun on my rainy day, the warmth of my cold, the light in my dark.."
Hahaha..paolo..
"You have no idea. She has no idea how she makes me feel...if only we were allowed to know and feel what's it like to be the other person for just once, I want her to know what it feels like when she's around me, how i get to smile for no apparent reason. Just hearing her voice on our late night calls, her soft and very loving voice, and how it makes me close my eyes and just sleep away with her breathing through the phone, or even she sends me posts on facebook with just anything. wall links to messages. Those may be just little things, but they mean a lot to me...She...Emily..my god, i mean my god, I'm always thankful that I could be with someone so normal, yet everyday she's special..."
Paolo....
"Meghan, I always think about our future together, I'm overthinking, but what if...of course the change, we all change, not going to lie. we have to. some part of us has to move on, but not my feelings for emily. I'm going to hold on to that, I will. She fears me leaving her, I fear her for leaving me...I want to hold on to my feelings and I want to hold her. I want to hold her everyday..."
Go and hold on to her then. silly..
"I will! I want this. I do. I want to be her boyfriend that makes her know that everyday that she's the only girl for me. I don't know much about the other guys that she was with, all I know they weren't too cool and man, they really hurt her. I'm afraid that I might end up doing so....I always make her happy, that what she says, but am I really? I know that I hurt her when I'm not honest, I know that whenever I try to open up and hesitate, she wants to be there and yet, i'm pushing her away...I want it to stop. I want her to smile and I want her to know that, I'm trying..I have to prove to her.."
You know that she loves you too, right
"Yes, I do. But I love her more..."
You know that she doesn't want you to beat yourself
"I know that I'm not perfect. I try for her because I like the best for her, and I give her the best of me..."
She doesn't deserve that. she just wants you.
"........"
don't give up!
"I'm not going to..let me prove to you that I won't.."
Do it for her because I think she's afraid to lose you, like you said...
"...I really want to sleep with her.."
You're a pervert. IS that all you can think of? How dare you!
"No..No..hahaha..I mean to say, I want to make it to the future with her with me as a lover, a bestfriend, a wife and a mother...I would want to propose to her on a hot air balloon with 'Will you Marry me' mowed on the grass below, while she's looking and I'll pull out a ring and aak her to be my wife. I would love to see myslef at the altar, while she's being led by her dad down the aisle and her brother glaring at me from my side..ohh man...I want to hold her every night in bed and whisper to her corny things that'll make her laugh, I want to smile to her in the morning and kiss her forehead and wake up to a brand new day with her by my side...IF we ever had children, I want them to be as polite and shape them to be respectful kids, and Emily can have her way with them too. I don't think she'll spoil them like I will...hahaha...I want to be there for everything that she'll be facing, letting her know tha I'm always here for support, not because I think what's right, but as a friend...and she shouldnt be afraid of me to ask anything becase I'm here. I know she doesn't want any help, but..atleast...just atleast...
Oh..Paolo..why..why are you so..sweet. i'm sorry, but I can't help my tears. you're like..oh paolo..D: DON'T..Don't ever forget this..never ever ever forget your promise to her, and to me because if you will, I will kill you for Emily.
"I'm sorry, please don't cry. I'm sorry...I won't. haha. I don't want to be in that mess...I really want my future to haver her in it, I mean maybe 3 years from now, I see myself flying to Canada, and do the most awkward greeting that I could possibly think of..shaking her hand. I'll be afraid..."
hahahaha..she'll pull you into a kiss..
"...I'll hold her...forever.."
Paolo, you shouldn't worry..she knows that you love her as much as she does, and no matter what. she will not forget it. though the future is too bleak at the moment, you can shape up everything now and if that tomorrow comes, you two will be ready.
"Thank you Meghan, I'm happy that you support us. I'm losing my win...I told Emily that I want this to work and I want her help with this, just believe in us and we'll work together and be happy..I can then hold her hand forever.."
.....so again, how do you REALLY feel about Emily?
"I love her...."
Good, that's all I have to hear from you. ;)
"Haha...I should get going. it's 11:14, Emily wants me to sleep early..I have TAKS, too. so, i'm going to log out and think about some things for a bit. sorry.."
Take your time. DON'T think too much, or you'll fail. Rest okay? :D
"I will...good night!"
btw..what was that HER story?
"...it was suppose to be a dedication to her. :)"
she cried. i saw her comment.
"..:P I didn't mean to..i said i was sorry.."
yeah yeah..girl-crier, go to sleep!
"I will..good night, again!"
Paolo is offline.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
....I wish every guy was like you, you know? <3
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Loving you
A boy and a girl's point of view:
Boy: BOLD
Girl:Italics
I don't think he likes me, what if he doesn't like me for the way i am. am i okay? AM i perfect for him?
Damn, there she is. oh man. she's really beautiful. I don't..How am I with such a beautiful girl, she's too good for me.
He's staring at me. What should I do...I don't know what to do...should I wave, maybe I should!
Shit! Shit! She's waving at me...I should wave back and smile. just smile
He's waving and..he's smiling at me...he's smile is always so kind and warm. I should smile too...
She has the most beautiful smile in the world. I'm really not worth her time at all. look at her...she's amazing
If only hesheknows that i love himher
Boy: BOLD
Girl:Italics
I don't think he likes me, what if he doesn't like me for the way i am. am i okay? AM i perfect for him?
Damn, there she is. oh man. she's really beautiful. I don't..How am I with such a beautiful girl, she's too good for me.
He's staring at me. What should I do...I don't know what to do...should I wave, maybe I should!
Shit! Shit! She's waving at me...I should wave back and smile. just smile
He's waving and..he's smiling at me...he's smile is always so kind and warm. I should smile too...
She has the most beautiful smile in the world. I'm really not worth her time at all. look at her...she's amazing
If only hesheknows that i love himher
Why
We have grown apart so much these past few years. I thought when we split apart at the beginning of the year, a change was going to happen, but it didn’t. We got back together only after three months and basically picked up where we left off. Nothing changed at all. Okay, so you say that incident that happened with, need I not say her name, wasn’t supposed to happen, but maybe she was placed into my path to actually see how much of an ***hole you really are. I felt I got back with you on my terms, but to this day I don’t know why I really did get back with you.
My heart burns to know that the light we once inflamed, together, is disintegrating. My soul empties to feel like, us is just a term abbreviated to lesser standards. Love feels like a relevant term. Just knowing you, I’m afraid to know what real love feels like. I realize that it comes in different “packaging,” but if love comes with your type of “postage,” then I don’t want to feel love. My soul yearns for that young man I once fell in love with, but will never happen. What you and I had a once upon a time was so poetic and just. It almost felt like the greatest love tragedy of all, Romeo and Juliet. You were my Romeo and I was your Juliet. If you ever get the time, I encourage you to read that story. It really does feel like us, from beginning to end.
Is love really tender? I think it’s too rough, too rude, too rowdy, and it pricks like a thorn. You were the type I shunned completely; for the idea of being with someone like you jolted me. “Love is a monster for making me fall in love with my worst enemy.” The love we had was much like lightning which flashes and then disappears before you can say “it’s lightning.” Strands of old tears still stain my cheek from the many promised promises, many given, but never kept, always broken. The sun hasn’t melted away the fog I made with all my sighs. Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder that you were too much acting like you were in love without really knowing what love means. I’ve heard people say that sudden joys have sudden endings. They burn up in victory like fire and gunpowder. When they meet, as in a kiss, they explode. “We should have loved each other in moderation.” I think that was the key to our “long-lasting love.” (Too fast is as bad as too slow).
When someone does the smallest thing to make you angry, you get angry. And when you’re in the mood to get angry, you find something to get angry about. Just the thought of her being alone with you at the home you got to “show me the ‘adult’ in you” weighs on my memory like sins linger in guilty minds. Maybe pain likes to have company and can’t come without bringing more pain. No words can and never will express the true pain I feel inside that night I looked into your eyes and realized…this is the beginning of the end. I feel whatever was left of you, you had given utterly and selfishly to her and I was left with none. All the wounds you cast upon me is being washed out with hot, salty tears…my tears; And, it burns horribly to the depths of my soul. How could you? I thought we said to the end? I guess that was the end. I kept you warm when you were cold. I kept you fed when your stomach drew of hunger. I was once the girl you ran to when there were no one else. Have, or did, you lose sight of that?
You were blinded by your distasteful desires…I spit on your pity. That night, I died. We died. My soul was doomed for banishment from my body. Banishment is death by the wrong name. Calling death banishment is like cutting my head off and smiling with I’m being murdered. You…you played the part of my executioner. Damned souls use the word banishment to describe hell. Maybe we’re just getting a sense of what our hell is to be like in the afterlife. We’re both tainted from our past adversities, of one another’s adversities. Life is the union of soul in body through the miracle of birth, but you would throw all that away. You bring shame to your body, your love, your mind. You have so much natural talent, but like someone who values money-not your body, not your love, not your mind. Your body is just a wax figure, without the honor of a man. The love that you promised me was just a hollow lie. All these troubles have given us stories to tell each other, these despicable stories.
I always hoped that one day you would was me out of the grave you sent me to with your tears. A little bit of grief shows a lot of love. But too much grief makes you look stupid. Every time I was with you, I would gaze into your eyes and just witnessed all this infidelity you had, whether it is with your inability with drugs, your many women, or just outright lies! Our love was like the blissful aroma of a rose. Our love was rose, so beautiful and pure, lovely to the eye, yet horrible to the scent. You say that your “so-called friends” think I’m mean; well, that’s nothing compared to the monster my “so-called” friends came to see that you created.
I loathe you. I carried your child, your only begotten son, in my womb and yet you still deny to this day. You see him, and you see someone else. I’d much rather you’d say nothing at all than someone else. In the sights of my soar eyes, my daughter seems to loathe you, also. She doesn’t know what to make of this sometimes. But yet, when I see my daughter and son having the time of their lives playing with a basket attached with a string, I can’t help but to look over at you and wonder if we’re having the same joys of contentment and happiness. That is where I want to stay ever more; though that is very obsolete.
You say you want the love your parents have, and so I ask you what exactly is that? Could it be the way your dad resents your mom from time to time? Could it be that your dad wasn’t a strong enough man to be the rock for his family? Or could it be that he never truly taught the morals and values of life to his three sons? I ask only what exactly kind of love you would like to bestow? If it involves pain, discomfort, and tension, then blind fold me and push into on-coming traffic because that’s exactly what I feel.
I surrender; you win!! Now what? More pain, more tears…do you care? At all? I’ve lost control and sometimes wonder where I am. What am I doing here? How did I get here? And mostly, why am I still here? I always feel like I’m a nervous wreck when I’m with you; even without. All these mixtures of feelings; is it love? What is love? How does it feel? And ultimately, how does one know if there in love? Love is friendship set on fire, and we sure set this thing a blaze. But as a flame does; it must die out, turns with dust, and eventually gone with the wind.
Oh, my love! How I long for the compassion…the tenderness. I wish I had wings to fly away from here. My children would be that wind taking a brethren upon my feathers as I soar through the sky. And you…you would be my wings, coming…helping to whisk me away as I take that last leap into the air, but my wings have failed me…you have failed me. Why must this untimely humiliation go on? Why couldn’t the world just end three years ago when “our world” was so pure and just? I guess that’s where our enjoyment ended. It was doomed from the beginning, and like all good things, it must come to an end; just like every other story has a sad ending. At least we can say that this roller coaster was invigorating, but still…has to come to an end.
My family is filled with screw-ups and break-ups. Now I can say that we fit right into the “clan.” I had fun while it lasted. We had some times, huh? I’ve realized that after doing my best to hold a grudge—something I’ve never been good at—a peaceful wave washes me away from it, even if a friend did something that feels like absolute treason to me. I wake up feeling compassionate, and ready, finally, perhaps to accept your apology. Still, while forgiving is a good idea, it’ll be quite difficult to forget.
That, my friend, my love, is called wisdom, and it comes with experience. So, as our trials and tribulations come to an understanding, we will know how this experience, we’ve lived together, came to pass; we will always recall this point in our lives as the idea of Love and Hate, Hate in Love: A Poetic Just.
My heart will always remain with you, my friend!!
My heart burns to know that the light we once inflamed, together, is disintegrating. My soul empties to feel like, us is just a term abbreviated to lesser standards. Love feels like a relevant term. Just knowing you, I’m afraid to know what real love feels like. I realize that it comes in different “packaging,” but if love comes with your type of “postage,” then I don’t want to feel love. My soul yearns for that young man I once fell in love with, but will never happen. What you and I had a once upon a time was so poetic and just. It almost felt like the greatest love tragedy of all, Romeo and Juliet. You were my Romeo and I was your Juliet. If you ever get the time, I encourage you to read that story. It really does feel like us, from beginning to end.
Is love really tender? I think it’s too rough, too rude, too rowdy, and it pricks like a thorn. You were the type I shunned completely; for the idea of being with someone like you jolted me. “Love is a monster for making me fall in love with my worst enemy.” The love we had was much like lightning which flashes and then disappears before you can say “it’s lightning.” Strands of old tears still stain my cheek from the many promised promises, many given, but never kept, always broken. The sun hasn’t melted away the fog I made with all my sighs. Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder that you were too much acting like you were in love without really knowing what love means. I’ve heard people say that sudden joys have sudden endings. They burn up in victory like fire and gunpowder. When they meet, as in a kiss, they explode. “We should have loved each other in moderation.” I think that was the key to our “long-lasting love.” (Too fast is as bad as too slow).
When someone does the smallest thing to make you angry, you get angry. And when you’re in the mood to get angry, you find something to get angry about. Just the thought of her being alone with you at the home you got to “show me the ‘adult’ in you” weighs on my memory like sins linger in guilty minds. Maybe pain likes to have company and can’t come without bringing more pain. No words can and never will express the true pain I feel inside that night I looked into your eyes and realized…this is the beginning of the end. I feel whatever was left of you, you had given utterly and selfishly to her and I was left with none. All the wounds you cast upon me is being washed out with hot, salty tears…my tears; And, it burns horribly to the depths of my soul. How could you? I thought we said to the end? I guess that was the end. I kept you warm when you were cold. I kept you fed when your stomach drew of hunger. I was once the girl you ran to when there were no one else. Have, or did, you lose sight of that?
You were blinded by your distasteful desires…I spit on your pity. That night, I died. We died. My soul was doomed for banishment from my body. Banishment is death by the wrong name. Calling death banishment is like cutting my head off and smiling with I’m being murdered. You…you played the part of my executioner. Damned souls use the word banishment to describe hell. Maybe we’re just getting a sense of what our hell is to be like in the afterlife. We’re both tainted from our past adversities, of one another’s adversities. Life is the union of soul in body through the miracle of birth, but you would throw all that away. You bring shame to your body, your love, your mind. You have so much natural talent, but like someone who values money-not your body, not your love, not your mind. Your body is just a wax figure, without the honor of a man. The love that you promised me was just a hollow lie. All these troubles have given us stories to tell each other, these despicable stories.
I always hoped that one day you would was me out of the grave you sent me to with your tears. A little bit of grief shows a lot of love. But too much grief makes you look stupid. Every time I was with you, I would gaze into your eyes and just witnessed all this infidelity you had, whether it is with your inability with drugs, your many women, or just outright lies! Our love was like the blissful aroma of a rose. Our love was rose, so beautiful and pure, lovely to the eye, yet horrible to the scent. You say that your “so-called friends” think I’m mean; well, that’s nothing compared to the monster my “so-called” friends came to see that you created.
I loathe you. I carried your child, your only begotten son, in my womb and yet you still deny to this day. You see him, and you see someone else. I’d much rather you’d say nothing at all than someone else. In the sights of my soar eyes, my daughter seems to loathe you, also. She doesn’t know what to make of this sometimes. But yet, when I see my daughter and son having the time of their lives playing with a basket attached with a string, I can’t help but to look over at you and wonder if we’re having the same joys of contentment and happiness. That is where I want to stay ever more; though that is very obsolete.
You say you want the love your parents have, and so I ask you what exactly is that? Could it be the way your dad resents your mom from time to time? Could it be that your dad wasn’t a strong enough man to be the rock for his family? Or could it be that he never truly taught the morals and values of life to his three sons? I ask only what exactly kind of love you would like to bestow? If it involves pain, discomfort, and tension, then blind fold me and push into on-coming traffic because that’s exactly what I feel.
I surrender; you win!! Now what? More pain, more tears…do you care? At all? I’ve lost control and sometimes wonder where I am. What am I doing here? How did I get here? And mostly, why am I still here? I always feel like I’m a nervous wreck when I’m with you; even without. All these mixtures of feelings; is it love? What is love? How does it feel? And ultimately, how does one know if there in love? Love is friendship set on fire, and we sure set this thing a blaze. But as a flame does; it must die out, turns with dust, and eventually gone with the wind.
Oh, my love! How I long for the compassion…the tenderness. I wish I had wings to fly away from here. My children would be that wind taking a brethren upon my feathers as I soar through the sky. And you…you would be my wings, coming…helping to whisk me away as I take that last leap into the air, but my wings have failed me…you have failed me. Why must this untimely humiliation go on? Why couldn’t the world just end three years ago when “our world” was so pure and just? I guess that’s where our enjoyment ended. It was doomed from the beginning, and like all good things, it must come to an end; just like every other story has a sad ending. At least we can say that this roller coaster was invigorating, but still…has to come to an end.
My family is filled with screw-ups and break-ups. Now I can say that we fit right into the “clan.” I had fun while it lasted. We had some times, huh? I’ve realized that after doing my best to hold a grudge—something I’ve never been good at—a peaceful wave washes me away from it, even if a friend did something that feels like absolute treason to me. I wake up feeling compassionate, and ready, finally, perhaps to accept your apology. Still, while forgiving is a good idea, it’ll be quite difficult to forget.
That, my friend, my love, is called wisdom, and it comes with experience. So, as our trials and tribulations come to an understanding, we will know how this experience, we’ve lived together, came to pass; we will always recall this point in our lives as the idea of Love and Hate, Hate in Love: A Poetic Just.
My heart will always remain with you, my friend!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)